Two poems by Angie Ebba

This Is Just to Say
After William Carlos Williams

I have stolen
the vibrator,
and hid it in a drawer 
when you came
to take your things.

I am pretending you haven’t noticed
but if I know you, you have
and if you know me, you know
I feel guilty.

I tell myself:
Fat, sick introverts deserve pleasure too.

I tell myself:
It has lived on my side of the bed
for over two years
and could really, then, be considered
mine.

I tell myself:
Orgasms are how I break open
now that you aren’t here
to bite flesh and soul.
I cry when I come,
and yes, I realize how sad that sounds
but release appears in many forms. 

Forgive me:
the truth is
the idea of it -
of you - 
with another
was just too much 
for me to bare.


Bathtime Ritual for the Slow Transformation into a Mermaid

1. Turn on the spigot. Watch it water
fall into the tub. 
Test heat with tip of toe.

2. Add to the water: 
4 cups salt for cleansing; 
1 sprig rosemary so you won’t forget you belong to the Earth; 
6 drops of frankincense to ease you through this change. 

3. Peel off the day one 
layer of clothing 
at a time. 
Make a pile in the corner of the floor; 
it does not matter if they get dirty. 
Once transformed you will no longer need them.

4. Light three candles, blue:
one that smells like the wind, 
one of the dirt that grows pine trees, 
one like the spot you nestle your face behind your lover’s ear. 
Turn out the lights.

5. Run fingers over spine, vertebrae by vertebrae, down 
to your pelvis. 
Feel where bones have begun to weave themselves together. 
Do not mourn this. Remember you are transforming.

6. Step into water. 
Ease into water. Feel it 
pulling you home.

7. Close your eyes and wait.

Angie Ebba is a queer disabled writer, educator, and performer who has taught writing workshops and performed across the United States. She has poetry published in Closet Cases, Queering Sexual Violence, and several literary magazines. She’s also a published essayist with a focus on writing about health and disability, body positivity, and relationships. Angie teaches poetry and writing online and in person. Angie believes strongly in the power of words to help us gain a better understanding of ourselves, to build connections and community, and to make personal and social change. Angie can be found online at rebelonpage.com